Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Not very long ago, I came across this beautiful line penned by economic psychologists, Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky:

"A person who has not made peace with his losses is likely to accept gambles that would be unacceptable to him otherwise."

We are all a product of the choices we make. Except for the fact that we cannot choose where we are born or the first few years of our life when our parents decide what is best for us, we almost always have a platter of choices, sometimes more and as many of us would crib, mostly less.

You can satisfy your wanderlust or you can just settle down and do domestic chores. You can choose to be the "careerist" woman you always wanted to be or you can douse all those dreams and be a homemaker (which is even more difficult, actually). You could just find a cozy corner and read that book from where you left it last or you could just shelf it in that cupboard of yours to read it some other day (a day that will hardly ever come). You could comfortably sit back and gradually sip that cup of tea and think about nothing in particular, or you could steal a few sips while you cook, dry clothes, clean the house and check emails (all at the same time). Choosing is indeed a very difficult task. And ironically you just want the opposite of what you choose. 

For those who follow their heart, life may turn out to be a bit difficult in the beginning. People around would prefix/suffix their name with a lot of adjectives like egoist, careerist, insane, proud, loner. Frankly they must be none of these. They are just "different". They are different because they chose to follow their heart and not the general public aspirations. They are not ruffled by the petty speculations because they have a greater vision. They are more focused because they have a strong internal locus of control and they work on themselves to attain perfection. 

It leaves me to wonder what a duplicate society we are. We would appreciate it greatly when the protagonist denies to take dowry in a movie, but in real life we would crave for that pot of gold to arrive from the bride's side. The icing on the cake begins when someone in our neighborhood gets handsomely gifted on the occasion of his marriage. 

Is it because of an identity crisis that the grass always appears greener on the other side? Maybe that would be the biggest contributing factor.

Soul on a Rack

A Rack is also defined as "An instrument of torture on which the victim's body was stretched" I came across this usage of the word for the first time ever long ago during a literature course that had Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare as a compulsory read. I could only imagine what the victim felt like when his tendons snapped and bones and skin gave away. The amount of physical pain that he would be undergoing in such a circumstance. His pleadings to the executioner to just take his life away and spare him the pain. His prayers to God to release him from that pain. The multiple thoughts he would be undergoing just to keep that pain out of his mind. What all and what not must he be think. Or could he even think of anything at that time? Hell No!

I stumbled upon the process once again when I was watching the movie "Braveheart". Mel Gibson essays the role of William Wallace the revolutionary 13th Century Scottish warrior who led the Scottish army in their first war for independence from the tyrannical  British rule. He met his death on the Rack, which was one of the cruelest form of punishment at that time.

That was the physical part of it. The person is dead and the pain is gone. Most of them were forgotten and some became immortal. But there are many of us out there whose souls are stretched on a rack, day in and day out. And trust me there is no panacea for it except maybe some would suggest meditation and most commonly suggest to "let go". But then how easy is it to let go? Many a times one would find out to one's sheer dismay, that those memories that we never want to remember, gnaw at our existence like a perennial parasite making us never forget them. 

Human mind is tuned to adjust. Some take a longer duration and some take a shorter one. And obviously in the process they must forget what they stood ever for. They efface the memories, the laughter, the squabbles, the sweet making ups, the love, the care and the warmth. Perhaps, that is what is let go. All that remains is the pain and the associated nausea. And that becomes the substance for one's existence.

In the context of beauty and happiness....

Tell me where is fancy bred,
Or in the heart, or in the head?
How begot, how nourished? Reply, reply.
It is engender'd in the eyes,
With gazing fed; and fancy dies
In the cradle where it lies.
Let us all ring fancy's knell I'll begin it,--Ding, dong, bell
(courtesy: Merchant of Venice)


I have always been a ardent admirer of the "Bard of Avon" and I have always felt that he writes about the most common incidents happening in our lives in an unparalleled manner. The lines that introduce my blog are ingrained in my mind. I must have read them more than a decade back and yet they have been the yardstick to judge many intentions. Is it not true that whenever there has been a difference of opinion with regards to a lady's looks we have heard the oft quoted saying "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"? The inimitable Shakespeare in his celebrated work Love's Labour Lost writes, "Beauty is bought by the judgement of the eye".


So who sets the criteria for judging beauty which a completely relative concept?  While some prefer creamy white complexion there are a majority who find healthy tanned golden brown skin a complete turn on. For those who would prefer to gather exhaustive knowledge on the various shades of skin colours one can read on more at our friendly wikipedia site (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_skin_color). But I am sure that most of us (except a few) would agree that complexion is not the only thing.

I mean a person can have an an oval or a round or a heart shaped or square or even a triangular face. And then then are a majority of people for whom eyes are a major attraction well they have a gamut of choices. The shapes can be large (doe-eyed can be a variation), small, almond shapes, long drawn (person having these are called "meenakshi" in India), slanted (may be up or down), and there are a few who love it if the eyes are a bit squinty. Well that was a little bit about shape of eyes. If we proceed on differentiating on the basis of eye-colour the list would be endless. 

Sometimes the eyes have a typical expression which ranges across various emotions viz piercing, mesmerizing, sad, sorrowful, tear-filled, gentle, sympathetic, warm, compassionate, expressive, twinkling, lively, dancing, laughing. We feel something is terribly wrong if somebody who possessed lively, laughing eyes gives us a sad, pensive look. We also feel greatly relieved and ecstatic to find a happy sparkle in those eyes that had always been disconsolate and brooding for a long time. Isn't it rightly said that eyes are the windows to the soul?Similarly one can enlist an endless list of the shape of the nose, lips, ears, colour and texture and type of hair, the build of the body (there are just too many types to describe). In short the list can get just too long.

I find that there is a stark similarity between Apartheid, a form of racial discrimination practised in South Africa, was said to have ended with Nelson Mandela's African National Congress coming to power and yet its vestiges still shape South African politics and society and then general prejudice that runs in our society. Even after attaining cherished degrees from institutions of repute they still become the reason why "fairness" cream companies still operate. It is their share of wallet and a piece of their opinionated minds that these companies look out for. For them "Beauty is only skin-deep". 


Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. And in this context I must say that the persecuted lot has to endure a long wait for the so called knowledgeable's evolution into wise. In the meanwhile, their happy eyes may have turned into sad ones, their very existence gnawed by bitter thoughts. Nevertheless, the only consolation for that section of people is to understand that happiness, after-all is only a state of mind and that, it is completely foolhardy to set on an expedition to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow because it is only the original which is valuable and in some cases "priceless" indeed. 

An obituary to a love affair....

He'll lead his life and I'll lead mine,

We will again come across people who will make us feel fine.

But, before that dear heart we will solemnly promise, never to think about the other,

The long endless conversations we had, the favorite haunts we did wander.

Never to remember those heady days when we had cared for each other,

To shun totally those tumultuous thoughts, about what, one would do without the other.

Only then my heart, can you appreciate, the joys of life once again,

To revel in nature's beauty, to feel the sunshine and the rain.

- Amrita Satpathy